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Inmy case, I had most of the attributes of a woman, but seriously lackedin just one very obvious area, and as such, was the object of someamusement to some of the girls. I tried so many things to cover up inthese periods, but it got to the point that I actually hated the class.I was so sensitive about it that it began to affect my social life.One day my best friend, Carolyn, asked me to stay overnight with her.This was a thing we did whenever we could and was a nice thing for bothof us. We could talk about boys and pretend that we knew so much morethan we really did about sex and life. We would listen to records andjust lie around in our nightgowns and giggle and talk. It was always apleasant experience having her over to my house for the night or forher to have me over to her house.I went home after school, got my things together and went to Carolyn'shouse. On this particular occasion, however, things were just a littledifferent. Her parents had parked a "mobile home," what we today. I was just that terrible at it. A selfish lover.And if I was a bad, selfish lover, what business did Zoey even have with me? Why was she showing me so much attention? It couldn't be that she actually wanted me. It made no sense. I was a sexual noob. There had to be another reason. Maybe she was insane. That's the only explanation.What the hell am I thinking? Ugh!I had to distract myself from the chattering monkeys in my head. But it was the middle of the night and this was mid-2000s basic cable. So I just stared at infomercials on the TV for an hour as Zoey continued to commiserate with Beth. I tried to eavesdrop while also trying to ignore, since I probably wouldn't like what they were saying anyway. Luckily, their voices were too soft to hear. And I wasn't going to creep and put my ear to the door.I just stayed put.The morning kept coming closer, and before I knew it, it was 5 a.m. and my eyes simply wouldn't close. My body was pulsing with loss, emotion, and just a little bit of.
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